The “Blueprint Injury”: Never Good Enough, Never Safe Enough, Never Loved Enough, Can’t Trust, Can’t Depend, Always Left Behind.

What is the blueprint of your mind?

Were you warmly welcomed into this world just for being you? Was there safety, connection and calm growing up? Did you feel like you matter? Were you given choices or allowed to be different? Were you praised when you did well … Or were you told to do better again and again?

And, how about now… did you come to adulthood determined to never rely on anyone? Or, are you desperately waiting to feel complete by another? Are you restlessly seeking success or never feel fully acknowledged? Too rigid or too accommodating? Too emotional, overly intellectual or simply feeling chronically detached?

 

 

Our earliest relationships make blueprints for many of our later connections. More often than not, we follow the map of what we witnessed, what we had, what was missed or what we needed as a child in later adult interactions. In a nutshell, emotional maps of belongingness, worthiness, safety and self-determination are laid down in our nervous system early on as we come into contact with caregivers and the surrounding world. These emotional connections, also known as attachment bonds, are pivotal to psychological wellbeing and lifelong resilience against stress. Yet, despite our attempt to hold onto a “happy” past narrative, most of us, at one point or another were left unmet, failed or worst wounded by someone. These “mini hurtful moments” inevitably make the building blocks of the never enough disease! A dis-ease stemming from an injured blueprint in the adult brain that lacks true trust, that does not feel belonged, loved or worthy; a part of us who chronically struggles to find safety and connection.

Below are a few examples of what I refer to as the “Blueprint Injury” (also known as attachment injury or developmental trauma in the literature):

·       Feeling chronically uncared for, unacknowledged or unloved

·       Difficulty being vulnerable in close relationships and/or keeping others at arm’s length

·       Persistent need to be self-reliant or be “the strong one” in relationships

·       Chronic distrust in others and/or resistance to depending on others

·       Constant feeling of being second to another or un-favored

·       Pervasive feelings of being abandoned and unprotected

·       Pattern of denying, discarding or minimizing emotions and experiences

·       Chronic worry or fear of being alone

·       Constant need to achieve more, improve or be productive